Finding the Way
by Denaliyasha
Summary: Post finale.  Kara finds herself in a very familiar place, with a familiar face and the reality that maybe her afterlife isn't going to go the way she thought.  Lee/Kara.


Disclaimer: Idea is mine, words are mine, everything else is not.

A/N: I didn't post this right away after the finale because a friend who has me on author alert had to wait a week to see it, so I promised her I wouldn't tempt her to spoil it. Then it just sort of... never got posted. Which is too bad, because I was really pretty happy with it overall. In fact, this piece was one of my more emotional, as the finale of BSG is probably the one show that still makes me sad about the ending years after it aired.

I have the Lee part written as well, and am posting it at the same time. Sorry to those who are waiting for other updates from me. Please let me know what you thought.

**Finding the Way**

She was glad that the last thing she would see before this next, unknown step was his face, smiling like he hadn't since she'd shouted at the sky that she loved him back. The last time, it'd been his voice that took her into her past and his arms that had welcomed her home, but this time, she wanted that image of Lee, finally free of all the burdens that he'd never wanted to bear, that he never should have had to bear.

Four years, he'd said. Four years, and then he was out, to do whatever he wanted. And then the worlds had ended, and she'd made his life hell both personally and professionally, and she couldn't stop screwing up and so they both hurt, for four long years. And now, when they finally had a chance, a real chance to choose a life for themselves, for Lee to have his freedom from the service and the rules that went with it, she isn't going to be around to see it. On the other hand, she won't be around to screw it up, either.

And so, when she finds herself suddenly elsewhere, it doesn't surprise or disappoint her too much. After all, she's dead, right? She was living on borrowed time anyway. Maybe this is heaven... or hell. Odd, it looks like her apartment back on Caprica, back before the attacks and Zak's death, when she still gave a frak how it looked.

"Hello, Kara." And look, if it isn't the youngest Adama himself. Somehow, she can't quite work up the guilt the way she used to. Maybe there are benefits to being dead.

"Hey, Zak. I would have thought you'd rate a better place in the afterlife than me." She watches him as he stretches and stands up from the couch, the couch where they'd put him, before...

"Oh, I don't know, Kara. Who's to say what the afterlife really is? Maybe my heaven is your hell, ever think about that?" He smiles a little wryly at her. "Maybe I'm rewarded by having you forever and you're punished by remembering why I'm here."

She just stares at him, unsure as to whether she trusts his reasoning.

"Or maybe," he continues, "Maybe it isn't about judgment, Kara. Maybe the dead go where they want to be, see who they want to see. Maybe it's about letting go of regrets and being happy, no matter what your life was like. Do you have any regrets, Kara?"

"When the frak did you turn into an oracle, Zak?" She finally takes a few steps into the living room, watching him carefully.

"I don't know, maybe it comes with the territory."

"What territory?"

"Being dead, Kara." He flashes her that smile that had caught her attention the first day he was in her class. "You became pretty damn mystical after you died, right?"

"So I did die, then. I wondered about that."

"Part of you has been here since then." He shrugs. "I've been waiting for the rest of you to follow."

"Ah."

"Of course, you never answered my question, Kara. What regrets do you need to let go of?"

"If the afterlife is all about regrets, what is it that you regret? What's your reason for being here?" She retreats behind the table and her shield of anger. She doesn't expect the sad smile she gets in return, or the two steps back that he takes.

"My regret... my one real regret, after everything I've seen, living and dead... is that when I told Lee not to steal my girlfriend, he didn't."

"What?"

"I've had a lot of time to think, Kara. I love you. I don't regret that, not at all. I don't regret asking you to marry me. But watching you, watching your life and your death, I realize that my real purpose was to put you into Lee's world, and him into yours."

"No, Zak..." She reaches for him, and pulls back in hurt when he steps out of her reach. "I loved you. I do love you."

"I know, Kara." He smiles. "But even loving me enough to marry me, a prospect that terrified you, you still nearly slept with my brother on this table while I was passed out on the couch." He raises his voice to cover the protest she tries to make. "You let him hurt you in a way you let nobody else hurt you. Gods, Kara, you love him more than you love yourself. When he's hurt, you bleed. And even when he hated you, he felt the same way." He closes his eyes briefly. "You two are more than meant to be. You came back from the dead for him, Kara."

"I came back to lead the way to Earth." She's on the verge of tears. Zak's words are throwing up every wound she has ever inflicted on Lee and every cut he's laid on her in return, and feeling all of it is too much.

"Kara, when you died, in that storm, some part of you came here. Do you know what you've been doing since then? Cooking dinner, asking if I'd checked to make sure Lee knew how to get here and if I was sure he'd like you. This isn't my afterlife, Kara. As much as I love you, my happiness is elsewhere. Yours is here, painting, cooking, listening to your father's music... and waiting for my brother." With that, he turns and starts for the door.

"Wait! Zak, what are you saying?" She runs to grab his arm, to stop him, even when something in her heart shouts _Let him go!_

"I'm saying he's yours. He'll come, eventually, if he finds his way."

"If?" She can't help asking, even as Zak opens the door and moves into the hallway.

"He'll be here, Kara. Don't worry. I gave him directions."

And then the door closes, and she's alone in the apartment.


End file.
